I was conscious about my figure.
I still am.
I just couldn’t stop worrying about how I look.
That’s why I work-out.
It has been my new habit – working out, I mean.
My folks have grown to resent the idea of dieting and losing weight.
They say it’s vanity.
They do not know any better, though they claim that they know the best for me.
I did this for a reason – to be confident about myself.
Thinking positively wasn’t enough for me.
I had to improve the whole me.
They needed not to worry because before I do something or commit to something, I make sure that I have enough background and knowledge; I know what I am doing.
I do not act without fully knowing what I am acting on.
I wish they knew this about me – that I’m careful and prudent.
My parents and my family do not see my point.
They think it’s just obsession – an unhealthy obsession about my physical body.
I flunked my French and Italian last semester.
That’s not a good record, alright.
I know that that had been a factor for them to look deeper into my life.
And now, I am suffering the consequences.
I have to endure their constant prying.
I know what I did and did not do in school.
I know what had gone wrong and so, I learned from my wrongs and mistakes.
It would have been simpler for them to just trust me.
After all, I am not even close to a failure… or a delinquent.
At this point, I don’t want to think about school because it just makes me tense and anxious.
I want to enjoy the remaining days of vacation and reinvent myself.
I have to prepare myself for the approaching pressures of a “more mature life”.
But my mom does not consider my actions and decisions valid.
She says that I’m being lazy and irresponsible.
Well, if she only knew the truth
– that I embraced this course half-heartedly and that I am trying to love what she loved.
Well, how could I possibly know what to prioritize if I can’t even figure out what my heart wants?
Studies first, alright…
I have to want it, right?
But how could I if I myself, do not know how to feel the feeling of wanting something?
It all must start from within me, right?
And that’s what I’m trying to deal with first.
I have to have emotional stability and clarity.
What part of that cannot be considered valid?